Thursday Thirteen, Edition 11

Despite a really huge TBR pile, I find myself re-reading the boys of Caldwell, NY one more time, in anticipation of next Tuesday's release of Lover Avenged. Since this is my 3rd or 4th time through, I’m really taking the time to appreciate the humorous bits, favorite snips that make me smile just thinking about. So this week, I’m sharing 13 favorite funny bits from JR Ward’s Black Dagger Brotherhood series:

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1. (Dark Lover - Beth, looking in the mirror right after her transition)

Whoa. Fangs. She had fangs.

She leaned in, prodded them a little. Eating with those puppies was going to take some getting used to, she thought.

On impulse, she brought up her hands, turned her fingers into claws. Hissed.

Cool
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2. (Dark Lover, Butch’s point of view)

“Might I ask a favor?” the butler said.

Mr. Normal nodded with vigor. “Bring out another tray of these and we’ll kill anything you want for you.”

Yeah, guess the guy wasn’t really normal. Just relatively so.

The butler smiled as if touched. “If you’re going to bloody the human, would you be good enough to do it in the backyard?”

“No problem. “ Mr. Normal popped another crepe in his mouth. “Damn Rhage, you’re right. These are awesome.”

…………………………

3. (Lover Eternal, after Mary gets a glimpse of Rhage’s curse. Not laugh-out-loud hilarious, but the kind of smile that warms you up and makes you really really love the characters)

“Mary, I don’t want you to fear me.”

For a moment, she watched his mouth and jaw work the stem.

“I’m not afraid. V and Phury might have been in a little trouble, but you wouldn’t have hurt me. No way. I’m not sure how I know that. I just do.”

He took a deep breath. “God, I love you. I really, really love you.”

And then he smiled.

She laughed in a loud crack that brought every head in the room around.

The cherry stem was tied neatly around one of his fangs.

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4. (Lover Eternal, on restraining Rhage’s beast)

V shook his head. “Remember what you saw in that clearing, cop? How’d you like that anywhere near a female you loved?”

Butch put down the Bud without drinking from it. His eyes traveled over Rhage’s body.

“We’re going to need a shitload of steel,” the human muttered.

………………………

5. (Lover Awakened, Phury to Bella)

“…I really am okay. Just some aesthetic damage.”

“Then why are you wearing that bandage like a sash?”

“It makes my ass look smaller.”

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6. (Lover Awakened, in the Pit, on the art of potato launching)

“But it’s really just like golf,” V said, dropping the towel across a chair. He pulled a glove over his right hand, covering the sacred tattoos that marked the thing from palm to fingertip and all across the back. “I mean, you gotta think of your arc in the air—“

Butch nodded up a storm. “Yeah, it’s just like golf. Wind plays a big role—“

“Huge.”

Phury smoked along as they finished each other’s sentences for another couple of minutes. After a while, he felt compelled to mention, “The two of you are spending way too much time together, you feel me?”

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7. (Lover Revealed. V to Butch, who, weak from injuries, is lying fallen in the bathroom)

“So, I guess you’re back, true?”

“And ready to rock and roll.”

“Really.”

“For sure. I’m thinking about a future in contracting. Wanted to see how this bathroom was put together. Excellent tile work. You should check it.”

“How about I carry you back to bed?”

“I want to look at the sink pipes next.”

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8. (Lover Revealed, The Reverend to Butch and V)

“So I want to share a little news.”

“You getting married?” Butch tossed back half the new Lag. “Where you registered? Crate and Bury ‘Em?”

“Try Heckler and Koch.” The Reverend opened his jacket and flashed the butt of a forty.

“Nice little poodle shooter you got there, vampire.”

“Put a hell of a –“

V cut in. “You two are like watching tennis, and racquet sports bore me. What’s the news?”

Rehv looked at Butch. “He has such phenomenal people skills, doesn’t he?”

“Try living with him.”

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9. (Lover Unbound, Jane to V)

“Tell you what, you let me go, and I’ll ask you plenty of questions about your race. Until then, I’m slightly distracted with how this little vacation on the good ship Holy Shit is going to pan out for me.”

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10. (Lover Unbound, Jane to herself)

Terrific. A bisexual dominant vampire with kidnapping expertise.

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11. (Lover Enshrined, Jane to Wrath)

“Don’t give me that look. I’m already dead. It’s not like the lessers can kill me again.”

“That is so not funny.”

“Gallows humor is part of having a doctor in the house. Deal with it.”

Wrath barked a laugh. “You are such a hard-ass. No wonder V fell for you.”

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12. (Lover Enshrined, Wrath to the rest of the Brothers)

“This is Lassiter, the fallen angel. One of the last times he was on earth, there was a plague in central Europe—“

“OK, that was so not my fault—“

“—that wiped out two thirds of the human population.“

“I’d like to remind you that you don’t like humans.”

“They smell bad when they’re dead.”

“All you mortal types do.”

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13. I’m going to include just one from the forum, which was reprinted in the Insider’s Guide. The background is an ongoing series of practical jokes. V returns to the Pit to find everything in his room colored peach – walls, bedding, lampshades – everything. It’s written with asterisks framing the “stage directions” and no quotes around the “spoken” words, on-line forum style:

VISHOUS:

*walks over to closet*
*whips open doors*

Oh sweet Mary mother of GOD….

*peach shirts hang on hangers*
*peach jacket on peg*
*peach fakakta shitkickers on floor*
*expression of horror settles on his face as he reaches for gun closet*
*opens up gun closet*

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Not the
GLOOOOOOOOOOOOCKS!

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